Thursday 2 November 2017
I was mesmerized by the campfire as it glowed red with shades of orange. It crackled and popped like distant fireworks, and the smell of roasted marshmallows filled the air. A single flame shot up higher than the rest and glowing embers decorated the sky. The embers were swimming and dancing like a scene from a movie, as we celebrated another great day. As the cinders slowly burnt out and turned into white ash they floated effortlessly to the ground. The light of the campfire started to dwindle, and my eyes grew heavy as I drifted off to sleep with dreams of tomorrow.
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Hello Odd1out,
ReplyDeleteThis is a very peaceful story. Remember to highlight the prompt words when you publish. You have used descriptive vocabulary e.g. 'mesmerized', 'decorated the sky', and 'dwindle', which makes your writing interesting to read. Congratulations on completing the 100 Word Challenge Week #8.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Van
Hello,
ReplyDeleteYour choice of verbs gave your story depth and power. 'Mesmerized' 'crackled' 'popped' 'shot' and 'decorated' were fantastic selections. Using strong verbs makes it easier for readers to form pictures in their minds. Choosing more interesting words increases interest in your writing.
Developing one simple idea, like a campfire, into such a rich writing piece is hard to do. You have isolated the moment and really explored the entire experience. The sensory examples you included allowed the reader to see, hear and smell the campfire.
One way to make your story even better might be to vary the length of some of your sentences. Shortening a few sentences can be quite impactful.
I am a huge fan of campfires. Reading your piece allowed me to recall many of my favorite memories.
Thank you for sharing your creativity,
Gina Ruffcorn (Team 100, Iowa USA)